When You Can’t Save Them: Coping with Powerlessness in a Crisis

“I watched from a distance, my stomach twisted in knots, knowing someone I loved was in danger—and I couldn’t do a thing.”

Her family and friends are in Iran. She told me about them while tears streamed down her face and her heart raced. She tried to laugh and smile through it, pretending to be okay, but I could feel the weight she carried. She had already accepted that, for now, there was nothing she could do to help them.

This post is for anyone who has ever felt helpless, scared, or emotionally wrecked watching their loved ones go through something painful or dangerous from afar.

Once she knew there was no judgment here—that it was normal to feel scared, sad, confused in such a moment—she began to open up. She confessed her deepest fear: that she might never see her beloved family or best friends again. What if this turns into another 8-year war like Iraq, or worse, a 19+ year conflict like Afghanistan? That might mean never going back. Never hugging them again. Never saying goodbye.

She felt trapped. Her heart wanted to swoop in and rescue them, bring them to safety. But her parents? They’re older now. They choose to stay in their home, in their bed, even if it means facing death.

The pain of that truth shattered her. She cried—loudly, deeply, for minutes without stopping. And all I could do was be there.

Here’s the reality no one wants to say out loud: sometimes, we cannot fix everything. Even when we want to. Even when we’d give anything.

But that doesn't make us bad people. It doesn’t make her selfish or heartless because she isn't there physically with them, or because she can't take care of them in this scary moment.

What helped her, and might help you too:

• Talking it through with someone you trust

• Accepting your limits without guilt

• Helping by educating others on how to protect themselves

• Doing something, even symbolic, like writing a letter you never send

• Helping others who are within reach

• Practicing presence instead of panic

We can’t always change the storm, but we can find ways to breathe through it—and maybe even help someone else breathe too.

If this resonated with you, share your story or your thoughts in the comments. You never know who might find comfort in your words. And if someone you love is going through something painful—send this to them. Let them know they’re not alone.